The Itch

Not the figurative, but the literal variety.

I hate being itchy. It is such a nasty word and feeling. It is the worst feeling in the world. Give me pain any day. Pain I can handle. I can tolerate it. There are scientifically developed scales to indicate just how much pain you feel. There are drugs to dull it. Not that I use them. I am decidedly anti-drug. Just say no and all that jazz. There are no "itchiness" scales.

I did some yard work a week ago. Yard work I am not supposed to be responsible for. Our land lord claimed he takes care of the yard, but there were weeds taller than I am, with stalks at thick as my wrist. There was dead debris everywhere. And being the good tenant that I am (and more so not wanting the yard to look trashy for our party over the weekend), I spent a few hours filling three industrial size garbage bags full of foliage. Two days later I had three suspicious looking bumps on my right forearm. They itched incessantly, but I grinned and beared it. Now, a week later, the three bumps have doubled in size and number. They have "spread" to at least eight other areas and my arms, legs, and side itch like crazy.

I had the chicken pox when I was younger. I still remember those pesty bumps. I was horrible at not scratching, and to this day I have the scars to prove it. Now they have vaccines for those gruesome diseases. Kids today don't have to deal with mumps or measles or pox. They get merciful itch-free childhoods...the little bastards.

And even with all my practice I am horrible at withstanding the itch. I'd rather stick 20 needles in my arm. Stub my toe 10 times. Have heartburn for hours. Give birth twice. And deal with almost any sort of cramp or pain, rather than bear the non stop burning fire that are these red bumps. On second thought, maybe not the birth thing. Everyone says you forget the pain after seeing the product. But having witnessed birth (which I have) and knowing about the process (I know more than you'd care to) I'm not really sure it's such a good idea. So maybe I'll withhold judgment on that one for now. The point being the itching is driving me crazy. Over the counter remedies are not working. And when I finally broke down and asked a doctor about it the response was 'wait it out.' This is why I can't stand doctors. The never feel the same urgency you do. Prescribe me something. Amputate. Do some witch voo-doo thingamajig. I don't care. Just fix my problem!