The other night I drove a stick shift! On the highway! Three different men in two different vehicles have attempted to teach me to drive a manual. And so far I have driven on the highway a grand total of once. I am the worst ever at working a clutch. I have been 'learning' for years now, but my feet and my mind fail to work together.

Dudes have this hand motion they use to teach driving stick, where they explain how you have to give a little on the gas (while pressing their right hands toward the ground) while letting go a little on the clutch (here their left hands pop up). It must make sense to them because all three have said the exact same thing with the exact same gesture. Problem is they are wrong. Or not wrong, but just simplifying things a bit too much. My mind doesn't work like this. If it was as easy as giving a little and going a little I would have mastered this nonsense years ago. But, alas, it is not quite so equally proportionate, and finding that magic balance continues to elude me.

In theory I know how to drive a stick. In my head, I can do it confidently. But behind the wheel (especially if there is another car behind me) I can't get my feet to do what my mind tells them. It is quite frustrating. I am a rather quick learner when it comes to all other things. Granted, it's not like I have been practicing frequently for all these years. Until recently, I could count on one hand (probably about half a hand) the number of times I had been behind the wheel of a manual transmission. But, I have have decided this is the year. This is the year I am going to learn. Or maybe I should say master. I am reasonably confident that, in the case of an emergency, I could get from point A to point B without injuring anybody. I am not equally confident that I wouldn't injure any cars. Sneak up behind me too close, on the slightest incline and I just may roll back into you. Or else get so freaked thinking about rolling into you, that I instead overcompensate and go squealing through the intersection at high speeds, burning rubber in the process. Don't laugh. It's happened.