Change Up

It has been recommended to me that I change my blog up a bit. It seems, with a few posts being exceptions, I tend to blog in a 'rant' sort of style. I find it easier to blog about small, sub-consequential, tidbits rather than important matters. And, as it turns out, I especially like to blog about sub-consequential things that annoy me. Just wanted to update you: I realize this. I rant. A lot. And so it has been mentioned that maybe I should embrace it rather than keep apologizing for it. Maybe my blog needs a new title. Here are some possibilities.

1. "My Life in Rants"

2. "A Rant A Day Keeps the Doctor Away"

3. "Sir-Rant-A lot"

I am open to other suggestions.

Tipping

We went out to dinner recently at a popular chain restaraunt in a part of town not known for its exceptional service. In fact, it seems everytime we go to this area, whether it be to eat or shop, we run into surly, incompetent people.

Our waitress on this particular occasion was somewhat of an enigma. We couldn't fault her on her service. She was timely, bringing out all courses and refills promptly. She was efficient, clearing dishes each time she approached the table. She responded to our every need well within the time in which each task should take. She, however, had no personality. At least not one she cared to share with us. She wasn't rude. She did not have an attitude. She was polite in everything she said. She simply made her lack of desire to be serving well known. Her tone was bland, her eyes glazed over in boredom and she made not a single interaction that was not necessary to complete her job.

While eating, we contemplated what to make of this. How should we tip her? Could we really fault her for not being engaging? Our food was hot. It was delievered quicker than expected. Our order was correct and she didn't forget a single appetizer or refil. Still, despite being outwardly polite, her tone and inflection made us feel very unwelcome at her table. What if we gave her a simple 'tip test'? Being decent tippers in most instances we can assume our normal tip would be 20%. What if we broke that down? Ten percent of her tip is based on service and efficiency and ten percent on mood. She'd get the full 10% for service, but her mood ranked about a two out of ten. That's a 12% tip. Hmm...She wasn't that bad.

Okay. So being the customer that actually prefers not to have too much interaction with a server, maybe mood shouldn't rank quite as high as serving capabilities. So she'll get the full 15% for being a capable server. But then while I don't like to be pestered at a meal, and she checked on us an appropriate number of times, I do like to feel welcome and not like I'm burdoning you. So mood now becomes a one out of five for making me feel guilty for inconviencing you.

Service 15/15= 15%

Mood 1/5 (20% of the available 5%)= 1%

Tip 16%

Seems more appropriate. We gave her twenty. But I think I may use this for future interactions. Thoughts?

Eye Glasses

I need glasses. :( I am a bit distressed by this. My eyesight is failing me. It's just one more step closer to oldladydom. My vision has been getting blurrier for two years now. I've seen it happening. I've noticed changes. I've put off going to the doctor. Why? Because I always put off going to any doctor. And because I didn't want to hear what I already knew. Still, a part of me secretly thought I was wrong. And she would tell me my sight was fine.

She didn't. Turns out I am nearsighted. I need glasses for distance. And when she up the proper lenses in front of me I could see just how much I've been missing.

Still, I am not excited about this pending purchase.

The Lion King

I promised someone I would blog about The Lion King. We are watching it now. I am not the hugest Disney fan and so I am watching it to make someone happy. A few of his comments are making it worthwhile. For example:

"Mufasa's the shit, Scar's a prick"

Kinda helps to have a less than G-rated commentary.

Although the scene on now where we watch his father's murder and his finding the body isn't exactly kid friendly. What was good old Walt Disney thinking?? The circle of life my butt.

In My Basement

We have people living in our basement. I don't know where they came from. They just showed up one day and decided to pop a squat down there. Just kidding....They have actually lived in the basement longer than we have lived in the main house. When we first moved in they were relatively quiet. We were assured by our landlord that they were frequently not at home, working odd hours and retiring to their country home frequently. Plus there is sound proofing insulation between the floors. Or so he claimed.

For the first few months things were relatively quiet. We didn't run into each other. We didn't hear very much. And they did frequently visit their other home.

Recently, however, they have become quite loud. Not in an obnoxious I've had it with them sort of way. But in an, 'Oh yeah, peeps live down there sort of way.' We hear snippets of conversations, tv shows, doors closing, toilets flushing, water running. Today I overheard an arguement. And most of the time this is okay. What is not okay is walking into my dark house, hearing voices and freaking out that someone else is there, only to realize that someone else is just being heard through the basement door. It happened the first time the weekend of the hurricane. I came home late to an empty house and they were having one heck of a hurricane party down there. Then again this past weekend. I returned from work and could have sworn someone was in the kitchen talking to me. They were below the kitchen.

I don't know if they have gotten exponentially louder, if the soundproofing isn't doing its job or maybe we are both just present in the house together more frequently. But it has me wondering. If I can hear them, what can they hear of me....

Don't go grocery shopping hungry.

Grocery shopping is the bane of my existence. I don't know why, but I absolutely hate it. If I had three wishes, one of them would probably be to have my fridge and cupboards permanently stocked for me. I would love to never have to buy food again, but go to the kitchen to grab a snack and have it always be there. How awesome would that be?

Yesterday I was hungry. It was lunch time. So I scuttled to the store. I returned an hour later with five boxes of cereal, three things of coffee creamer (gotta hit the deals, right?), some random meats and veggies for dinner, but absolutely nothing for lunch. I spent the whole time craving all the yummy junk food that looked ten times better with my stomach grumbling. And didn't actually focus enough to buy what I needed.

So I ate a piece of bread with peanut butter that was in the cabinet an hour earlier, before leaving for the store.

I Apologize in Advance

I feel like my blog has become a series of posts on disturbing creatures. I swear to you, my life revolves around more than pests of the more disgusting variety. It is just that they are what happen to be plaguing me recently. I have found more disturbing bugs and crawly things in the suburbs than I ever found in all of my DC apartments combined. Luckily, most of them have been outdoors.

Today I walked down to retrieve my mail and found this:
It was difficult to capture on camera, the web having been made of very fine silk. I almost didn't see it myself, but the sparkling raindrops it collected caught my eye. The owner was not in residence. I assume he was off seeking shelter from the storm. Hopefully, not in my mailbox.

Then I retrieved my garbage can. (Yes, suburb neighbors I am THAT person. The one who leaves the garbage cans out three days after trash collection). And in retrieving it I came across about five of these:
SLUGS. Slugs are super gross. They are supposedly benign and actually good to have around. Although I can't remember their positive attributes. But they are slimy. And feel really gross if you are unfortunate enough to step on one barefooted. This sucker would've been incredibly slippery squishing between some bare toes. ::shudder:: Don't believe me? If you put a cup of beer outside you could probably catch yourself a few. They like to get their drink on.

I left the slugs alone too. Then I walked into my house and got bit on the forehead by a mosquito. Where's my good karma?

Christmas in...October??

I was doing a little retail therapy the other day and couldn't help but notice the employees putting out Christmas stock in the local Bed Bath & Beyond. This is not the first store I have seen the beginnings of Christmas in. JCPenny has some out as well. And Walmarts are already stocking Christmas gift cards (although the gift card seems to be more of an easy last minute kind of purchase, why you have to purchase a Christmas gift card in October is beyond me). Christmas seems to come to stores earlier and earlier every year, and while I have purchased two small gifts already, I have an issue with this. It is the beginning of October. We have yet to reach Halloween. There is still Thanksgiving to think about. Pumpkins, turkeys and Santa Clauses side by side seems a little funny to me. Plus, while I love the Christmas season, I'm not a big fan of shopping during it. And Christmas carols in small doses are okay, but am I going to have to listen to them for TWO months!?! That might drive me a bit nutty.

Excerpts from Real Emails

BW: Are you ever going to write me back? Also I think you got me sick. (email in it's entirety)
EA: I AM going to write you back. This one will be short, but I'll write more tomorrow while I'm wishing the time away at work. Also, I don't think I was sick, so how did I get you sick?? Sorry you're not feeling well though!
BW: I thought you were sick recently? Weren't you? Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.
EA: Yeah, pretty sure I wasn't sick. Sorry, but you got someone else's germs, not mine. (Editorial side note: gmail informs me else's is not a word. Nor is elses. Nor is someoneelses. What is the grammatically appropriate way to phrase that? Dude, yo ass got some other dawgs coodies? Those germs came from someone else? You acquired a pathogen from some unknown origin. I was not the source?) **She's an editor, she can answer these all important questions.
BW: I'm pretty sure "else's" is a word. But of the other options, I prefer the one involving the use of the word "dawgs." But I'm pretty sure it's spelled "cooties." **Sometimes, the fact that she's an editor bites me in the butt.

Blogger doesn't recognize "else's" as a word either. Must be a Google thing.