Today I was driving down route 50 going a good 85 mph when I noticed a groundhog in the middle of my lane. He was just chilling there, up on his hind legs, trying to pay his respects to his friend who was flattened one lane over. Of course, I slammed on my breaks to give him time to retreat. He didn't. So I checked the lane beside me. Couldn't move over. Luckily no one was behind me so I continued to slow and swerved onto the shoulder to pass him by. Then I watched three cars in my rearview mirror attempt the same maneuver. I lost site of him still okay in the lane, but I would't be surprised if he shortly joined his squashed little friend.
Two minutes later I was attempting to merge from the left onto a new highway and got stuck behind a Florida driver who obviously has no clue how to drive in the high speed, heavy traffic of highways up here. I nearly had to slam on my breaks again to avoid rear ending him when he slowed almost to a stop in the middle of the merge lane. We both managed to squeeze into the left hand lane and proceeded to continue a whopping fifteen miles under the speed limit. As I was cursing slow drivers in the left lane who made my merge difficult and dangerous, I realized I was smack dab in the middle of a funeral procession. Not the first time I've cursed the deceased for getting in my way on the road before realizing what was going on. Oops.
Managing to pass them I continued on my speed demon drive. I felt a need for speed. Two miles up the road there was a cop car stopped on the shoulder because a different car was wrecked in the grass off the shoulder. The car was facing me head on. Obviously somehow managing to end up driving into the grass in the wrong direction.
I hit my brakes for the third time. And this time I decided to slow my roll. A dead animal. A funeral procession. And a recent accident. I can read the signs.
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